February 21, 2008
Adversity: Gets Our Attention
It’s not uncommon to hear someone lament that “it’s not fair”. Life happens and it’s not necessarily fair nor are adversities evenly allocated to each of us in equal doses or like kind events. Life happens and it happens more to some than others. LIfe is not fair; life just is what it is - and some of us need to get over it - sooner rather than later. The faster we accept that life is not fair and focus not on its unfairness but on our coping and adversity management skills, the faster we’ll recover from adverse events.
Complaining about our adversities changes nothing. In fact, it often makes it worse than it needs be when we do complain. Instead, we need to focus on how to manage it and then commit to find the opportunities embedded within it. Yep, there are opportunities in virtually all adversities if we look for them.
We can’t find the opportunities if we don’t first find the source of the event. Who or what caused it? Some adversities just happen. But many unwelcomed events are a result of our own doing. Our own doing sends chills down the spine of many of us. Having to admit that we are not perfect and that we had ownership in it is a torturous admission for many. Admitting that we blew it or maybe tried to take a short cut, made a poor or uninformed decisions or simply ignored the red flags and consequences with hope that it would go right when all the wrong motives prevailed, is like a death sentence. But admitting our humanity is the only way to capitalize on the inherent opportunities. Denying or blaming is counterproductive and denies us the wins hidden in every adversity.
Adversity should be a time to grow, to learn and to mature as adults and to build our character. We have the chance to strengthen our strengths and our weaknesses, hone our coping skills, problem solving, decision making and most important, change our attitude about adversity and fair. It’s a time to learn invaluable life lessons that will prepare us for the next event. It will also to give us the ability to seize any number of opportunities that will enhance our lives and the lives of others.
Allow adversity to get your attention. Don’t question why or look for fair. Accept it, acknowledge culpability, then move through it, knowing that you will come out of it a stronger, more competent person.
